In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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