My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
