and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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