Me too!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my being single is dangerous.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
