My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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