Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's great music for shaving your balls
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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