you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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