its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
