is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's paper in my vomit.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
