Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When did angry sex become our thing?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
