Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
