someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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