I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
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My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.