someone get that fucking seahorse.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back