Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND