what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
