Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
