How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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