There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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