My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize