i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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