somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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