I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
