the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
