Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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