Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You just made me feel so damn special
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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