So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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