if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
