he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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