I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
