yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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