No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least