me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"