Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads