It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.