saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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