CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
