Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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