yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
