I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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