Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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