Welp...herpes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
