i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
