Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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