someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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