so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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