i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
