He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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