Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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