the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
