the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
