I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
