i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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