I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
