dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
