i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
