dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm just crazy horny about you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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