everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize