I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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