You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
